One of our fabulous teachers, Aisling Twomey shares her own yoga journey! Yoga was never supposed to happen for me. I’m possibly the least ‘yoga’ person you could imagine. I like cheeseburgers and lie-ins, and I have moments of crippling, unforgiving anxiety. When I was a teenager, yoga started to grow in popularity, but I was never interested; I was idle at best, acrimoniously opposed to fitness at worst. I lacked flexibility and had no strength. Throughout my time in school, I dodged everything athletic. I never saw the value in it. When I left university, I fell easily into a pattern of laziness and wasn’t motivated to get out of it.
Dublin — The Fair City
I come from Ireland. If you saw any world news around 2008, you’d know that Ireland was hit hard by the global financial crisis. My generation suffered under the weight of youth unemployment and the smaller cities emptied out as thousands emigrated or relocated. I had always wanted to travel the world, but finding a well-paid job and starting a career first became more important, simply because it was so hard. My friends fled to all corners of the world, bravely setting out to achieve big things. I stayed behind- I was determined to make the most of Ireland, and I didn’t really want to leave my family. I was scared. I moved from Cork to Dublin in 2013, five years after the recession but with no end in sight. I took a job at an NGO, where the wages were bad but the work felt worthwhile. I had plenty of friends in Dublin, but somehow I rarely saw them. My housemate confined herself to her room, and we rarely spoke. Dublin was lonely and made me feel anxious. I didn’t feel brave or in control.
Running
As the months passed and the loneliness increased, I took to running more often in the evenings — never for more than half an hour, but it helped break up my day and gave me something to aim for. The physicality suddenly felt good, and I started to embrace feeling healthier. When I first started, I could barely run for five minutes before collapsing in a heap of panting and pain, but over time, it got better, I ran faster and for longer times, in the rain, the wind, the cold of Dublin. Still, running is a solitary thing, and the loneliness didn’t go away. I spent most weekends traveling home to spend time with my parents and spent my weeks reading, running and working late hours. It was never enough, though. My head was full of a general sense of anxiety and there was no beating it. Anxiety is difficult to work through. It’s not necessarily logical, and it can come from nowhere, for reasons that don’t entirely make sense. For me, anxiety came on when I felt lonely. Were things always going to be this way? Why did some days seem so long? Was this the right job for me, the right place for me? When did people actually start to work life out? Now? Now? How about now?
Rediscovering Yoga
In October 2013, I started to Google, seeking a new hobby, something to filter my thoughts into. Yoga seemed like an obvious choice. I had a mild recollection of doing an hour of yoga, once, in school, but I hadn’t liked it and hadn’t understood it. Maybe it was time to try again. No harm in throwing caution to the wind occasionally. I spent what little cash I had on a beginner’s yoga course at a small studio in Dublin’s Stoneybatter. It was only a five-minute walk from my first apartment in the city, so I knew I would actually attend. The course was six weeks long. Classes were in the evening at 8 pm, and it was winter so the nights were dark and cold. The first time I went, I had a knot of anxiety in my stomach. What if I was really bad at this? I can’t bend! I’m not flexible! I don’t even know what a Downward-Facing Dog is, let alone how to do one! 
The class took place in a repurposed warehouse. The floors were wooden, the walls white, the ceiling high and the old warehouse rafters visible. It made for a beautiful space, and the lighting was helpful, adding to the calm and not making me feel on show. The teacher, Anna, was already seated; she didn’t come around to talk to any students but instead kept her distance and smiled at everyone as they came in. I sat on my mat, terrified. Did I need a block? A brick? What’s the difference between a block and a brick? What’s the strap for? Help! Get me out of here fast!
A Wonderful Teacher
As soon as Anna started, I fell a little bit in love. I don’t remember the entire class, but in the weeks that followed, I came to understand more and more what we were trying to achieve: a sense of calm, an end to overthinking. Anna was calm and sweet; she encouraged everyone to try but refused to push people to any limit. She introduced us to the staple yoga poses and helped us imagine our way into them. Warrior Pose became a place of strength, and Down Dog went from being excruciating to being relaxing in a very short space of time.
Anna spent that first class introducing us, slowly, slowly, to Sun Salutations, teaching us the alignment, helping us into the poses, talking us through the breathing and movements. In that first place, we covered maybe 10 poses at most, spending minutes in each one, learning an entirely new experience.
When it came to Savasana, I didn’t know what to expect. Anna encouraged us to pile on blankets, pull on socks, wear extra clothes and get settled in. It was the first time anyone has ever told me to feel gratitude for myself, and somehow, when I rolled up my mat and left the studio, I walked home with a different feeling in my step. Everything felt lighter somehow.
After my six weeks were up, I kept attending the studio, trying out Hot Yoga and more Hatha classes, until eventually I fell upon Vinyasa and relished the physical strain in my body while my head emptied. Even though money was tight, yoga to me was money well spent, and I started to read about yoga and learned more about it. I fell more and more in love and began to dream about maybe being a teacher someday — but I felt I had such a long way to go.
My best friend and I would often talk about different crazy dreams we had. Tour India, ride on an elephant, run a bookshop, be a yoga teacher. Not every dream is attainable- but some stick in the brain until you get up and do something about it, don’t they?
London — the Square Mile
I lost my job in Dublin in June 2015 and traveled home to Cork to spend some time with my family before leaving for London. It was a rollercoaster; my whole life changed in just a few short weeks. New career, new city, new life, new people. Yoga got lost as I tried to work through all of the other things going on in my life.
Perhaps it’s not necessary to say, but it was an anxious and lonely time. I was alone in London and had a lot to work out. I didn’t want to burden my friends in the city as I sorted my life out, and my yoga mat had been left behind in Ireland (Pro tip: pack less for emigrating, not more!).
In Dublin, I had gotten into a fitness habit, so one of the first things I did in London was join a gym to do some running, some HIIT, some weightlifting. Luckily, it was a studio that offered brilliant yoga classes in a small, cute space near Camden Town. I got back into the flow of Vinyasa classes early on Saturday mornings and started to practice at home for the first time. I still wasn’t a bendy superstar, but I felt more confident about yoga and loved to feel the poses flow together.
Yoga Teacher Training
As the end of 2015 in London approached and I settled into my job and a new life, I started to think again about yoga teacher training. Yoga saves me from anxiety and loneliness every single time I feel a panic in my stomach. Anxiety is an awful feeling, and if it’s possible to help other people tackle that feeling with some yoga, I really wanted to do that. I started researching yoga schools in London and since, for the first time in my life I had some cash to spare, it felt like a dream I could fulfill.
I enrolled on a one year 200-hour teacher training course and headed to my first class in January 2016. Weirdly, the butterflies in my stomach were the same as the ones I had heading to my first ever yoga class in Dublin! In the first few weeks alone, I learned so much new information and I knew I’d made the right choice.
Studying something instead of just experiencing it changed things considerably. I know so much now about poses, about how yoga started, where it comes from, what it can really mean to people. I know how to help people into poses and, better yet, I know how to help people into the best versions of the best poses for them.
Reflections
I’d like to think that, over the past two years, I’ve become braver. Yoga has been a big part of that, just because it gives me so much space to be calm. Once I’ve finished a session, I’m usually more rational, more relaxed, and more able to think big instead of confining myself. My running has improved, my fitness is generally much better, I sleep pretty well most of the time, and I can say with honesty that most days are really happy ones. Loneliness doesn’t get me in the heart anymore.
I didn’t like moving around, from one city to another, never having job security, never being sure of what would come next. Now I know that it doesn’t really matter. What will come will come. I figure now I’m brave enough to live each day as it arrives and not get too stressed when things don’t follow a plan.
The magic of yoga for me is still there. Anxiety still gets me hard some days, but I know when I climb off the Tube and come home, I can roll out my mat and strike my own poses in my own space, happy and comfortable in my yoga knowledge, able to help myself. I can’t wait to help other people strike a pose just for them.